OWN LAND ON THE PLANET MARSTM
As Seen In People Magazine, Newsweek And On Hard Copy TV
Based Upon A Legal Claim Filed On February 22nd, 1988
In Maricopa County Arizona, USA, Earth (88-0081002)
The ONLY Recognized Claim Holder To The Planet Mars - 50 Acres - $20.50
Beautiful Certificate Of Title And Owner's Guide
Legal Documentation - Shipping And Handling Included
MARS 2050: PRESIDENT BUSH UNVEILS AMBITIOUS STRATEGY FOR PREEMPTIVE DEMOCRATIZATION AND WHOLESALE AMERICANIZATION OF THE COSMOS>
Statement by the President
THE PRESIDENT: My fellow Americans. I come to you today to propose a wistfully feel-good, election year NASA boondoggle of unprecedented scale and coolness. Some may charge that in light of the gazillion dollar deficit I have created, we can't afford it. To them I say, "We're Americans, and we deserve anything we want – especially when we stop lavishing our tax dollars on irresponsible luxuries like antibiotics for grandpa, veterans' benefits, and school lunch for ghetto trash!"
This is an exciting plan for NASA – one that has evolved over time. Truth be told, my original idea was to invoke that good-looking guy John Kennedy, and come out here and say, "I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before the decade is out, of landing a man on the Sun and returning him safely to Earth. We choose to go to the sun – not in the day, when it's hot – but at night, when it is cooler!" But after much arguing, my advisors have convinced me to focus on Mars instead. And so, without further I-do, I am pleased to present my selfless dream for the future of American space achievement.